Trying Not To Love You
by FirearmPrime
Summary: Kisama tries not to love him... but it only seems to make her love him more. A songfic based off the Nickelback song, 'Trying Not to Love You'. I'm sorry for any OOCness that may occur. Please review and let me know what you think. Rated just to be safe! Disclaimer: I don't own anything but Kisama.


It should never have turned out like this. She should never have fallen for him. He was the enemy. She _had _been fraternizing with the _enemy. _There was just something about him that drew the young Soul Reaper in.

All the man had to do was call her name and she was at his side like a puppy. _Why?_

Even now, as she sat in her room telling herself that she should no longer love him, it felt as though knives were piercing her heart. _Why?_

All Kisama wanted to do was forget him. Forget his rough disposition. His smirk. His reiatsu. His eyes. His piercing eyes that felt as though they were looking through you. She sighed; she still remembered everything about the man.

Trying not to love this man was the hardest thing Kisama has ever had to do. Not even her Soul Reaper Academy training compared to this. The physical and mental pain she felt was almost unbearable and yet, she knew he probably didn't give a rat's ass about her. He probably had already moved on to someone else. Kisama closed her chestnut brown eyes.

Trying not to need this man was simply tearing her apart. It was making her distant from her family and friends, even her brother, Ichigo, who she had been close to her entire life.

There was no silver lining to this. While she was no longer under watch by her favorite Captain Zaraki, she still felt trapped. Trapped in by all the pain and despair she felt. Kisama sighed as she opened her eyes before tilting her head back to look at the ceiling; she just needed to keep trying to forget about the man, even though it seemed impossible.

But trying not to love him…

Only made her love him more.

Renji told her that the pain she felt, time could take away. It only made it harder. It gave her more time to think about him and all the memories they shared, from their first meeting to their first time love making to the last goodbye. She couldn't do anything without thinking about him; even making coffee brought back the memories. The first time she snuck coffee to her room because the man had smelled from upstairs and begged (not that he would admit it) that she go get him some. Kisama sighed.

She didn't want to remember _anything._ She just wanted all of the memories to evaporate. She wanted nothing left, no trace of the man she "used" to love. The back of her head hit the wall; she felt the small throb but did nothing to stop it.

"Was it something I did?" She asked herself.

"Was there somebody else?" She asked again.

The man had put up less of a fight than he normally would when she told him about his banishment and her watchful guardian. He took it in stride and said nothing but alright. He didn't think twice before turning his back on the young, newly twenty one year old and leaving. The girl tried to hold back the tears but they came as soon as she could no longer see him.

Kisama felt the tears coming back to her eyes when she felt the bed dip down behind her. _ When had someone come in her room? How did she not here them or at least feel their reiatsu? _A voice whispered in her ear. A voice she never thought she would hear again, that smooth yet rough voice spoke in a whisper, his breath ghosting across her ear.

"I've been dying to tell you…" There was a pause. "Trying not to love you only went so far. Trying not to need you was tearing me apart." Kisama closed her eyes, a small smile on her face. She was enjoy the man's calloused hands on her arms before one hand reached up and turned her face towards his. His blue eyes looked into her chestnut ones. "Now I can see the silver lining, what I've been truly fighting for."

He lowered his head to nuzzle her neck, his hollow mask digging into the skin of her chest but she didn't care, she laid her head on top of his. Her arms came around to embrace the man and pull him just that much closer to her, as if she was afraid to let him go for he would disappear again.

"We can be so much more." He whispered. He pulled away, looking to her eyes. "'Cause trying not to love you…" Kisama smiled, wrapping her arms around his strong neck.

"Only makes me love you more." She finished as she leaned up, placing a kiss to his lips, which he returned feverishly. When they pulled away, she laid her head on his chest.

_Fuck the Soul Society. Fuck everything she'd been taught about hollows. Fuck the war and most defiantly, fuck Aizen and Old Man Yamato. _This man was as much an enemy as her brother was. The room was quiet and the woman began drifting to sleep, being relaxed for the first time since the man had been "banished" from seeing her. His voice brought her back from the brink of sleep.

"I love you Kisama Kurosaki." A kiss was placed on the top of her head. She smiled and turned her head slightly to kiss his chest.

"I love you too, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez."


End file.
